Soliloquy 39
So, do you have
what it takes to be a POET? We can help.
Wouldn't you like to live the life of a POET,
travelling the world while earning your livelihood by
just jotting a few words down about your experiences?
Yes, we can help you get there. If you have what it
takes, the FAMOUS POETS SCHOOL can prepare you for a
successful career in POETRY. It could be you who
fills the University auditoriums with hundreds of
raving fans, getting yourself invited to the Chateaux
and Mansions of the rich and famous, being courted
with fine lunches and dinners by hungry publishers
desiring you to write for them! Think of it, don't
you deserve to wear medals on your chest, and without
having to fight in a war! Everyone knows that the
label of POET confers the ability to be a great lover
- think how that will improve your love life!
Let's face it, you've known all along you're
different from the rest. You're more sensitive, more
aware than they are. They might be doctors and
lawyers, but you feel yourself touched with that
spark of the divine spirit that distinguishes you
from the rest of humanity, that puts you on a higher
plateau of consciousness than average people. You too
can have people with college degrees looking up to
you, interpreting you, writing their theses about
you.
Don't you want to be left alone to go your own way?
Don't you want governments to worry about the
opinions you express? If you don't think you were
meant to live the empty life typical of other human
beings, if you think you've been appointed to
something greater than this dull and desperate world,
that unlike others there must be some special purpose
for your existence, then you might be a POET.
Here is how to find out if you have what it takes to
be a POET. All you have to do is answer the ten
questions in our test and send the answers to us. Our
board of specially qualified MFAs will review your
answers and if you have what it takes, we will send
you an application for FAMOUS POETS SCHOOL in two
weeks or less.
Now here are the questions. Keep in mind that you
don't have to get them all correct to be accepted at
FAMOUS POETS SCHOOL, but SEE if you can do your best.
Just relax. I'm sure you will do fine and we can help
you on your way to a career as a POET.
1) Which of the following words most closely rhymes
with "moon"?
a. schlepp
b. fossil
c. June
d. parthenogenesis
2) How would you best complete this phrase: "A
rose, is a rose, ____?
a. "...gently down the stream."
b. "...this is great kreplach."
c. "...is a rose."
d. "...annoys an oyster."
3) How many syllables are there in
"lucubration"?
a. 1
b. 2
c. 3
d. 4
4) Which syllable is accented in the word
"kaBOOM"?
a. the first
b. the third
c. the second
d. none of the above
5) Which word best completes this phrase: "My
love is like a red, red ___."
a. "juxtaposition"
b. "banshee"
c. "rose"
d. "orange"
6) If you were writing a poem and needed the name of
a poetic sounding
fruit, which of the following would be your choice?
a. legume
b. anthracite
c. pomegranate
d. spam
7) Which animal is the most likely prey of the tiger?
a. eland
b. penguin
c. zoo keeper
d. octopus
8) Which color best describes "snow"?
a. turquoise
b. puce
c. white
d. magenta
9) Which of the following is a type of poem?
a. diesel
b. socket
c. sonnet
d. gingrich
10) Does it have to rhyme to be considered a poem?
a. no
b. no
c. no
d. maybe
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