Genealogy Jokes

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First a selection of one-liners kindly supplied by Ernest Bullimore.

  1. My family coat of arms ties at the back... is that normal?
  2. My ancestors must be in a witness protection program!
  3. Shake your family tree and watch the nuts fall!
  4. My hobby is genealogy, I raise dust bunnies as pets.
  5. How can one ancestor cause so much TROUBLE?
  6. I looked into my family tree and found out I was a sap.
  7. I'm not stuck, I'm ancestrally challenged.
  8. I'm searching for myself; have you seen me?
  9. If only people came with pull-down menus and on-line help...
  10. Isn't genealogy fun? The answer to one problem leads to two more!
  11. Never mind the children, do you know where your -Gr-Gr-Grandparents are tonight?
  12. A family reunion is an effective form of birth control.
  13. After 30 days, unclaimed ancestors will be adopted.
  14. Any family tree produces some lemons, some nuts and a few bad apples.
  15. Ever find an ancestor HANGING from the family tree?
  16. FLOOR: The place for storing your priceless genealogy records.
  17. Gene-Allergy: It's a contagious disease, but we love it.
  18. Genealogists are time unravelers.
  19. Genealogy is like playing hide and seek: They hide... we seek!
  20. Genealogy: Tracing yourself back to better people.
  21. "Crazy" is a relative term in my family.
  22. A pack rat is hard to live with, but makes a fine ancestor.
  23. I think my ancestors had several "Bad heir" days.
  24. I'm always late. My relatives arrived in America on the JUNE flower.
  25. Only a Genealogist regards a step backwards as progress.
  26. Heredity: Everyone believes in it until their children act like fools!
  27. It's an unusual family that hath neither a lady of the evening or a thief.
  28. Many a family tree needs pruning.
  29. Shh! Be very, very quiet.... I'm hunting forebears.
  30. Snobs talk as if they had begotten their own ancestors!
  31. That's strange: half my ancestors are WOMEN!
  32. I'm not sick, I've just got fading genes.
  33. Genealogists live in the past lane.
  34. Cousins marrying cousins: Very tangled roots!
  35. Cousins marrying cousins: A non-branching family tree.
  36. All right! Everybody out of the gene pool!
  37. Always willing to share my ignorance...
  38. Documentation... The hardest part of genealogy.
  39. Genealogy: Chasing your own tale!
  40. Genealogy... will I ever find time to mow the lawn again?
  41. That's the problem with the gene pool: NO Lifeguards.
  42. I researched my family tree... and apparently I don't exist!


My own thoughts on the process: As you trace your ancestors further back in time, records become more difficult to find, more difficult to read and contain less useful information. You know you have finished your family tree when you can no longer find any records, when you find them you can't read them, and when you read them they contain no information.


Work it out - you have two parents, four grandparents, etc. Carry on like that and you find you have more great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great grandparents than there were people in the world at that time (about 1,000 years ago). You must have alien ancestry!


Infertility is hereditary.
If your parents didn't have any children, neither will you.


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