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National Union of Fairies, Sprites, Elves and Dropouts

Patrons: H.M. Queen Titania
and The Green Man

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Fairy
Image courtesy of Fantasyland Graphics and the artist Meilin Wong

You have the misfortune to have found the home page of the National Union of Fairies, Sprites, Elves and Dropouts (NUFSED), a union formed to represent the interests of all fairies, sprites, elves, dwarves, goblins, genies, witches and similar dropouts and layabouts. (You can find a serious(??) explanation of the real background and some of the allusions here on this separate page.)

Sad News!

We regret to report that His Majesty King Oberon has suffered a serious accident (9th June 2009). It seems that while tethering his horse after dismounting he slipped and sat down rather suddenly and unexpectedly. His horse took this as a signal to do likewise, and promptly sat on him. The local National Elf hospital have given him suitable treatment and ensured that he is well plastered, but not in the sense he normally prefers.

On its formation, early in 2006, the new union required a name and a constitution, and, in conformity with usual practice, ludicrously expensive consultants were employed to advise. They duly proposed a series of possible names for consideration, then picked one of them themselves and incorporated it in their draft constitution. Our correspondence with the consultants, including their report on possible names, with corresponding acronyms, as well as the initial draft constitution, can be found on these pages. Incidentally, if you think the figures shown in the invoice aren't that much over the top, keep in mind that the actual time spent on devising names and constitution totalled no more than about half an hour. 2,400 an hour (+ VAT) isn't bad going.

 

Extra Special News Flash!

We have now recruited as both a member and as our public relations expert none other than the famous Fairy Nuff, who will in future be responsible for statements to the press on our behalf. It will of course be necessary for everyone to take care to distinguish between references to us as a body (NUFSED) and statements such as "Nuff said ...".
'nough said?

 

As yet another service to our members and prospective members, we have created the College of Magic, Incantations and Con-tricks (COMIC) to provide training in all the relevant work of our members. See our special page by clicking here.

King

Special News Item

For security reasons it has until now been necessary to keep secret the identity of the Chief Fairy Shop Steward. Thanks to the efforts of the combined armies of Ankh Morbeaf and Souron's goblins of Morgate, we can now reveal that he is no less a person than than His Majesty King Oberon! [Photo on the right]

Better not let him see the photo of his wife's boy friend on the Members' page.

Your questions answered - see Auntie Annie Ogg's Advice Page.

News Flash!

We have received disturbing reports that some elves, hallucinating after consuming too many magic mushrooms, have been attempting to fly from trees, cliffs, etc. Since, unlike fairies, they don't have wings, this has resulted in serious injuries. Our Elven Safety Department are investigating.

News Flash!
King in two controversial disputes!

Our king and chief fairy shop steward is at the centre of a demarcation dispute within the union. He is accused of cackling, which, it is claimed, should only be done by witches, not fairies.A non-member of our union alleges that King Oberon has attempted, with partial success, to turn her into a frog, and claims (in very frog-like croaks) that this action was entirely unprovoked. It is believed that His Majesty refutes the allegation, and says she will recover entirely in a few days anyway, so why all the fuss?

The Union's audited accounts for our first year of operations can be seen on this page.

News Flash!

Yorkshire dwarves working under contract in Cornwall reportedly suffering from an epidemic of gnome-sickness
Vaccination supplies are being rushed to the spot from the nearest brewery

Our Purpose

The purpose of this union is to represent our members in the strongest possible manner to obtain for them justice in their dealings with their rapacious and unappreciative employers, and to ensure that they (and especially we who organise it) get at least their fair share of sex and booze.

It is also our intention to bring an end to all unfavourable prejudices concerning our members, wherever and whenever they arise. We are campaigning, for example, for the complete banning of the Laclerq song Nobody Loves a Fairy when She's Forty on grounds of sexism, ageism and speciesism.

News Flash!

Cornish piskies accused of being pesky!
We insist on the withdrawal of such unjust allegations, even if they are true

News Flash!

Arctic sea ice may disappear by 2060
Save Santa's Workshop!
We demand a personal flotation device for every Elf!
News item supplied courtesy of Mark Howells

News Flash!

We are supporting gnomes required to fish in garden ponds for long hours, in their demands for longer pee breaks and better quality wellies

We urge all fairies, sprites, elves, dwarves, goblins, genies, witches and similar dropouts and layabouts, and for that matter anyone else daft enough to pay the required membership subscription (see clause 5 of the constitution), to join our cause. Remember that great slogan, which surely applies in full to us: United we stand, divided we're so drunk we'll fall over! (which is an even more twisted version of John Dickinson's original words in 1768 than the more usual misquotation).

Cut those elves down to size
That appalling headline is scanned from an item in The Observer newspaper dated 26th March 2006! This shows just how much prejudice there is against our members and potential members, and so how necessary our union is for their protection.

If you are a member or potential member, please see our special web page designed just for you - click here!

If you aren't, then click here instead.

But before you do, please support our advertisers below, without whose invaluable financial support this site could not exist:


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You should be able to obtain supplies of all the above products from your usual supplier, but in case of difficulty please phone the distributors who will be delighted to rob serve you
Fairy Pharmaceuticals Very Ltd.
24 hour answering service on 999 112 or 112 999
When telephoning please state your name and address clearly and be sure to quote the special service code "Straitjacket Required"


Main links within this site:

Background explanation | Correspondence with consultant | Constitution

Auntie Annie Ogg's Advice Page | Accounts | Members' and potential members' page

Non-members' page | Elixir of Youth (advert)


Jim's Jottings Home Page

Genealogy and Family History | Gardening with Strange Ideas

Humour? | Politics and Philosophy | Science

Jim Fisher Summary Biography | Miscellaneous Small Items

Contact me | Map of This Site | Web Site Design and Browser Compatibility Policy

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