If Operating Systems Were Beers

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DOS Beer:
Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in 8 oz. can, but later in a 16 oz. can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately. Now discontinued, although a lot of people are still drinking it even though it's no longer available.

Mac Beer:
At first came only in a 16 oz. can, but now comes in a 32 oz. can. Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All cans look identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients you are told that "you don't need to know". A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the trashcan. The latest version of Mac Beer comes in a can with two tops and you can get Mac Beer or Windows Beer from the same can. However, you will need the latest Mac fridge to keep it in.

Windows 3.1 Beer:
Was the world's most popular, but no longer made, although a few people still drink it. Comes in a 16 oz. can which looks a lot like Mac Beer's. Requires you to already own a DOS Beer. Claims that it allows you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but in reality you can only drink a few of them, very slowly, especially slowly if you are drinking Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, for apparently no reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode when you open it.

OS/2 Beer:
Comes in a 32 oz. can. Does allow you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously. Allows you to drink Windows 3.1 beer simultaneously too, but somewhat slower. Advertises that its cans won't explode when you open them, even if you shake them up. You never really see anyone drinking OS/2 Beer but the manufacturer (International Beer Manufacturing) claims that 9 million six-packs have been sold.

Windows 95 Beer:
When first introduced it was claimed to be quite wonderful, however many people say it doesn't taste much different to Windows 3.1 Beer, it just gives you a bigger headache and explodes more often. The can looks a lot like Mac Beer's can but tastes more like Windows 3.1 Beer. It comes in 32 oz. cans but when you look inside the cans only have 16 oz. of beer in them. The ingredients list, when you look at the small print, has some of the same ingredients that come in DOS Beer, even though the manufacturer claims that it is an entirely new brew. Also now discontinued, with a few people still drinking it. Replaced by the nearly identical Windows 98 beer, and then again by Windows Mebeer - all forms still have their drinkers despite all having been discontinued.

Windows NT Beer:
Comes in 32 oz. cans but you can only buy it by the truckload. This causes most people to go out and buy bigger refrigerators. The can originally looked just like Windows 3.1 Beer's, but the company later changed the can to look like Windows 95 Beer's. Touted as "industrial strength" beer and suggested only for use in bars. Later replaced by the nearly identical Windows 2000 beer, but many still drink it.

Windows XP Beer Touted to be the perfect replacement for both Windows Mebeer and Windows 2000 beer, it actually comes from two different recipes which closely resemble Windows Mebeer in one case and Windows 2000 beer in the other, but both in exactly the same cans.

UNIX Beer:
Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8 oz. to 64 oz. Drinkers of UNIX Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even though they claim that all the different brands taste almost identical. Sometimes the pop-tops break off when you try to open them so you have to have your own can opener around for those occasions, in which case you either need a complete set of instructions or a friend who has been drinking UNIX Beer for several years.


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I believe web pages should be accessible to all browsers, rather than surfers being browbeaten into switching to some particular browser to see a page. (How many people would be happy if popular TV programmes could only be watched with the latest model of one particular make of TV set?). I am currently going through this site trying to achieve this as far as possible, but I do not have any means of testing it with all the dozens of browsers out there. When I think I have managed it with a page I'll include this paragraph at the end and a suitable logo at the top. If you have trouble viewing any page on this site, especially a page including this paragraph, please
let me know), and tell me what browser (name and version) and what operating system you are using, so I can try to do something about it. Thanks.

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This page last updated 26th November 2002