No toe stepping or copyright infrigments intended, just the wish to let everyon see/read how good Red Dwarf and its assocated Books are.

 

INTRODUCTION

(A rambling, spurious attempt to justify the existence of this book]

Episodes of Red Dwarf tend to focus on the more exciting and noteworthy events in the life of the crew However, it's not all thrills and spills for the characters or the actors Many hours are spent slumped around the set while the crew strive to mend the carefully crafted props that, for some reason, seem to fall apart in my hands as soon as the director says Action'. During these periods of relative calm, I sometimes wonder what my character would do in the quiet, untroubled times between adventures.

Lister would probably spend many hours alone in his bunk, pondering the ramifications of being the only surviving example of Homo sapiens in the universe.

Personally I tend to pass the time on set arguing with Danny about music or winding Robert up about how middle-class he is But what if I really were the last remaining human? How would I fill that endless chasm between sleep and curry knowing that I was the last example of, and final spokesman for, an occasionally great race? I'd like to think the last human would spend his time compiling a comparative list of scientific and sociological milestones in the development of the human race. An attempt, if you will, to leave something for posterity. Something that says 'When I'm gone, the human race will be no more, but my people were once noble and clever and, look, we even invented the whoopee cushion.' Of course, Dave Lister isn't the first name that springs to mind as the ideal chronicler of the human race, and neither is Craig Charles. However, if you're the last human being in the universe it's a little hard to delegate.

'But!', I hear you cry 'surely Dave Lister is merely a character in a TV series'. Yes, but, in an infinite universe, if something CAN exist, then it MUST exist.

Therefore Dave is out there somewhere, and I'd like to think a little bit of me is with him, hopefully not the bit he keeps in his undergarments.

Nostradamus made numerous predictions about the future. He foretold the death of kings, the coming of comets and even the arrival of an individual named Hister [sound familiar?), who would have a marked effect on human history. Not unlike Nostradamus, I have taken the liberty of predicting certain developments in man's future. To do this I have used a literary trick known in the trade as 'Making it up'. If you've just bought this book at an antiquarian bookfair on BeteIgeuse and you notice that some of my predictions are a tad off the mark, well, that's just tough. I'll have been dead for two hundred years so what you think is the least of my problems.

If, however, you've bought this book new [thank you, I'll always love you], allow me to reassure you that everything in this book has been carefully researched, cross-referenced, annotated, then thrown away and made up from scratch while at least partially drunk, which is probably the best state to be in when you read it.

If the last remaining human being in the universe left behind a book of any kind, 1 suspect it wouldn't be entirely dissimilar to the tome you are now holding.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, THE LOG. I hope you enjoy it as much as 1 enjoyed one afternoon last summer with two synchronized swimmers and a bucket of strawberry mousse.