Soliloquy 39

 ~FAMOUS POETS SCHOOL~

So, do you have what it takes to be a POET? We can help.

Wouldn't you like to live the life of a POET, travelling the world while earning your livelihood by just jotting a few words down about your experiences? Yes, we can help you get there. If you have what it takes, the FAMOUS POETS SCHOOL can prepare you for a successful career in POETRY. It could be you who fills the University auditoriums with hundreds of raving fans, getting yourself invited to the Chateaux and Mansions of the rich and famous, being courted with fine lunches and dinners by hungry publishers desiring you to write for them! Think of it, don't you deserve to wear medals on your chest, and without having to fight in a war! Everyone knows that the label of POET confers the ability to be a great lover - think how that will improve your love life!

Let's face it, you've known all along you're different from the rest. You're more sensitive, more aware than they are. They might be doctors and lawyers, but you feel yourself touched with that spark of the divine spirit that distinguishes you from the rest of humanity, that puts you on a higher plateau of consciousness than average people. You too can have people with college degrees looking up to you, interpreting you, writing their theses about you.

Don't you want to be left alone to go your own way? Don't you want governments to worry about the opinions you express? If you don't think you were meant to live the empty life typical of other human beings, if you think you've been appointed to something greater than this dull and desperate world, that unlike others there must be some special purpose for your existence, then you might be a POET.

Here is how to find out if you have what it takes to be a POET. All you have to do is answer the ten questions in our test and send the answers to us. Our board of specially qualified MFAs will review your answers and if you have what it takes, we will send you an application for FAMOUS POETS SCHOOL in two weeks or less.

Now here are the questions. Keep in mind that you don't have to get them all correct to be accepted at FAMOUS POETS SCHOOL, but SEE if you can do your best. Just relax. I'm sure you will do fine and we can help you on your way to a career as a POET.

1) Which of the following words most closely rhymes with "moon"?
a. schlepp
b. fossil
c. June
d. parthenogenesis

2) How would you best complete this phrase: "A rose, is a rose, ____?
a. "...gently down the stream."
b. "...this is great kreplach."
c. "...is a rose."
d. "...annoys an oyster."

3) How many syllables are there in "lucubration"?
a. 1
b. 2
c. 3
d. 4

4) Which syllable is accented in the word "kaBOOM"?
a. the first
b. the third
c. the second
d. none of the above

5) Which word best completes this phrase: "My love is like a red, red ___."
a. "juxtaposition"
b. "banshee"
c. "rose"
d. "orange"

6) If you were writing a poem and needed the name of a poetic sounding
fruit, which of the following would be your choice?
a. legume
b. anthracite
c. pomegranate
d. spam

7) Which animal is the most likely prey of the tiger?
a. eland
b. penguin
c. zoo keeper
d. octopus

8) Which color best describes "snow"?
a. turquoise
b. puce
c. white
d. magenta

9) Which of the following is a type of poem?
a. diesel
b. socket
c. sonnet
d. gingrich

10) Does it have to rhyme to be considered a poem?
a. no
b. no
c. no
d. maybe

Bruce Bentzman

This is the thirty-ninth in a series of regular reports from the life and times of Mr Bentzman. If you've any comments or suggestions, the writer would be pleased to hear from you.
For further reading, Mr Bentzman's book "The Short Stories of B.H.Bentzman" is available from Amazon.