Alcohol Warnings

The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and alcohol bottles, such as:

WARNING:  consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING:  consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.

WARNING:  consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.

WARNING:  consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

WARNING:  consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.

WARNING:  consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the heck happened to your pants.

WARNING:  consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary
(whose species and or name you can't remember).

WARNING:  consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

WARNING:  consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter
than some REALLY, REALLY big guy named Kerry.

WARNING:  consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that you are invisible.

WARNING:  consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING:  consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the space-time continuum, whereby small (and some-time large)  gaps of time may seem to "disappear."

WARNING:  consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.

WARNING: Comsumption of alcohol might leave you with a large capet cleaning bill, after you've thrown up all over your best friends house.

WARNING: Comsumption of alcohol might leave you with years of ridicule from your best friends little sister, after she was woken up at 3 in the morning to help her idolized older brother clean up your vomit.